“Will you play that new One Direction song pls Mr DJ?”

Above lies a sentence that should not exit your mouth at the age of 23 when you’re trying to fit in on a night out surrounded by freshers, most of whom are spinning round a pole quicker than you can walk up a step or drinking jägerbombs like there’s some kind of shortage. (Not that I didn’t join them for these actives… When in Rome and all that).

What I didn’t expect is for the the DJ to full on out me on the microphone in front of the entire club when I asked for One Direction.

There was this split second when I saw him reach for the microphone after my request, and I had that time to think of what to do. Fight or flight? I opted for flight. As I leapt past another girl whizzing round the pole and another guy eyeing her up, I thought I was in the clear as he exclaimed “this girl just asked for 1D” to Yates. I think there was even a point in my (one) direction (wahey). It would be alright if that wasn’t the first time he’d taken the piss out of me, when I was trying to get my free bottle of birthday 4% ‘champagne’ back in October he said that 23 was a bit too old to be in Yates and that ‘you look a lot better in person love, blimey’.

He offended the triple; age, face and music taste. Safe to say I’ll save the directioner version of myself for the safety of my own bedroom and lock her in there next time I have too many squadkas.

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